Top 5 things about Buffalo that will never change


I’m from buffalo, NY. There, I said it. Go on, laugh. Oh wait, youre not going to laugh? Thanks, you must be really nice. Or have no sense of humor {the two are often indistinguahbale}. Anyway, I’ve decide to provide yall with a little list, one that the people of Buffalo can surely relate to, and that those of you have never been to our fair city can use to increase your knowledge {remember, knowledge is power, even if you’re not blackmailing anyone}. So, without further ado, here are the 5 THINGS ABOUT BUFFALO THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE:

1. The weather will always suck. Sorry, but its true. The blizzard of 77 occurred way back in the 70s, {though you wouldn’t know it by the name}. Then for years, it was only relatively crappy. This past winter, however, we’ve been forced to endure multiple “polar vortexes” which basically means temperatures have consistently remained even lower than Obama’s approval ratings {if that’s even possible.} Sorry, but the weather will suck.

buffalo wings

2. We will always be known for buffalo wings. Yep, they were invented in buffalo, though, again, you wouldn’t know it by the name. And as long as Americans remain fat {forever, probably] us Buffalonians {yes, that is a word} will bear a large, greasy share of the blame.

3. Politicians will talk about “developing the water front” and then never do anything about it. They’ve been trying to build a second “Peace Bridge”  {apparently one isn’t peaceful enough} among other trendy “waterfront” developments, for years,  but yeah, it ain’t gonna happen. After all, why develop anything when you know all the construction workers will just freeze? {see #1}

4. People will remain attracted to falling water- Not to take anything away from Niagara falls; after all, it is one of nature’s greatest blunders, or something. But growing up here, its amazing how tourists will come from across the globe to stare in awe at something they could just google. So I like to go to the falls and stare at the tourists from an inch away, ya know, give em a taste of their own medicine.

5. Our sports teams will continue to suck: The Bills and Sabres have millions of loyal fans, and 0 combined championships, respectively. That’s not a very rewarding ratio. As of this writing {2014, I think that’s what year it is, right?} they are both in their usual position of league bottom-feeders. But don’t worry, at least they can’t get worse, right? {don’t answer that}

Are you still here? Oh, congratulations. I had no idea you were so ambitious as to read a whole articles! You deserve a slap on the butt! Anyhow, that’s the list. Feel free to threaten me or cuss me out with your “opinions” in the garbage comments section below!

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