Top 5 Ways to Get Rid of A Creeper

guys staring

Above: similar to the ancient adage “haters gon hate”, we see that, apparently, “creepers gon creep”

Whatup y’all? This list is mostly for the ladies, but theoretically could be applied to anyone suffering from a bout of “creeper-it is.” We all know creepers; hell to a certain extent we all are creepers. But some of us creep, or stare, more than others, and for us “normal people” that can be a problem. SO, with that in mind, I’ve made this neat little list for you {aren’t I sweet?}

TOP 5 WAYS TO GET RID OF A CREEPER:

gun 3

1. Talk to him about your guns: This is a good one. Especially if youre a chick and the creeper is a guy, just talk about your love of guns and how you need a partner for target practice. Emphasize your need for a moving target, and be sure to tell him that you don’t shoot to kill, but you prefer to target the groin area. Trust me, it’ll work.

2. Tell him how your boyfriend is returning from Afghanistan: This one works for several reasons. First, he’ll feel like a dirtbag {if he doesn’t already} for creeping on the girl of an American hero. Second of all, he’ll be scared of said hero’s killing ability. Its a win-win.

gay friend

3. Introduce him to your gay friend: First you have to have a gay friend, but let’s be honest: if you’re a pretty girl who’s being creeped on, you probably do. Just tell the aforementioned { I know, big word, right? I’m so smart!} creeper that you have a single friend who likes to be in control, and then neglect to mention that its a guy.  The look on his face will be PRICELESS! just be sure to snap a quick pic then send it to all his friends!

4. Hire someone else to creep on HIM: Fight fire with a taste of your own poetic justice medicine right? Or something along those lines.. Anyhow, nOBODy likes being creeped on, even creepers. At the very least, this will distract him long enough to allow you to fake your own death, then move out of state.

5. Put a bag of flaming dog poop on his porch: THis is like the all-purpose, jack-of-all-trades final resort to pretty much all of life’s problems. It’ll get dog poop on his shoes, which will make him decide to retire from stalking {maybe}. Or, it’ll burn his house down and send you to prison. Either way, you’ll be out of his reach!

Well, there you have it, more of my genius, totally legal advice for free! Be sure to share this with your friends, because remember, sharing is caring! {but creeping is immoral and probably illegal}

 

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